I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
