It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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