this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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