DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
