been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She bit a glass in half.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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