I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I deserve to be covered in dicks
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
