i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
