Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
