This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
too bad you live with your parents still
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
