Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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