im drinking this country out of the recession.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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