I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
