I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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