If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
