somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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