My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
