I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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