just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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