Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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