If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
