Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize