Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
