Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
