he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
