I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
