He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
