Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
