did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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