smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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