Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
