drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
