This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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