i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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