im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
