Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
