I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
fuck your aforementioned shoe
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
