What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
