he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
