You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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