If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
bring money and cleavage
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Randomize