So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
