why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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