is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
