I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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