i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
