Sry I called you an 8
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
