It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
