She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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