I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
