It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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