I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
