Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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