My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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