even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
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