Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
