You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
