What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
