woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
