The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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