Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
