Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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