is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
