My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
