Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Randomize
