people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
