I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
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