your thong is hanging out like whoa
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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