What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
