Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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