you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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