I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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