see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
