I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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