Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
