He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
