My girlfriend figured out who you are.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
