i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize