How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Randomize
