So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
