What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
