Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
