when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
