Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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