It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
this will be a night to untag.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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