my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I pour the whiskey from now on
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