Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
