my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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