garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
