My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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