if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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