I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Acid is not a monday night drug
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
