Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
