My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize