He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You're like the curious george of whores
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Randomize
