You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize