You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Come on in and take your pants off
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