it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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