I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
