She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
