Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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