good thing vaginas are great cup holders
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
