Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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